Hi!
My posts here tend to be re-posts. Things that entertain me, things that are worth thinking about, things I want to try, or read, or watch, or follow. This blog exists mainly to be a pleasing archive of fun things for me to read. You may enjoy it as well. I rather hope you do.
Feel free to say hi! I’m a chatty motherfucker when you get me going.
Anonymous asked:
thepuppyclub answered:
you weren’t put on this earth to entertain people. live your life as a boring bitch to the fullest.
“Someone said to me ‘You just want us to wear funny hats.’ No! I want you to wear funny hats if you are funny people. But if you look deep inside yourself and find that you are boring, than boring you must be. But you must be so boring that you can imagine someone saying 'You must come to my party - and bring your humdrum friend’ and that’s YOU!”
- Quentin Crisp on how to have a lifestyle, from “An Evening with Quentin Crisp”
Hey, take it from someone creeping towards 40:
Ignore the fun police.
If you like it, order your steak well done. Get your bagel toasted with jam and butter. Put ice in your scotch and ketchup on your hotdog. Get red wine with fish and white with steak. Who cares?
If you want to, listen to pop music. Watch blockbuster popcorn flicks. Read dime store novels. Enjoy them.
Dye your hair or cut it off. Paint your fingernails blue. Wear whatever the fuck you want on your own time (ie, when not at a job or school or whatever where you can get penalized for breaking rules) as long as you aren’t like welding or shoveling snow.
Anyone who tries to tell you you’re wrong? Say “okay” and go back to what you were doing. You’re not hurting them by enjoying yourself or having things the way you like them.
There are no caveats or addendums to this. No “but what about x?” Nah. You’re allowed the things you like. You don’t have to justify your taste or apologize for it if it’s not hurting anyone.
And likewise, let other people live their lives. We’re all dead in the long run, so tend your own garden before you become fertilizer in it.
Also from someone creeping past 40. :)))))))
Well past forty and this is the way.
Fuck random chance all my homies hate random chance. Probability is for weak-ass nerds and we aren't nerds! We play Dungeons and Dragons, like real chads do!
Anyway here's how to eliminate random chance from your D&D game!
Race: Variant Human. Choose the Eldritch Initiate feat (to get Beguiling Influence, giving us proficiency in Persuasion and Deception), pick any one skill (other than Acrobatics, Athletics, Insight, or Intimidation). We'll take Stealth.
Background: custom (pick two skills of your choice other than the above ones). Let's say Nature and Medicine.
Ability Scores: don't really matter, as long as charisma's above 13. Let's try to eventually make sure we have no negative modifiers. We don't need any crazy high specific scores. You'll see why.
Take a level in Rogue. Pick the four skills I mentioned above. You now have proficiency in Stealth, Persuasion, Deception, Acrobatics, Athletics, Insight, Intimidation, Nature, and Medicine.
Take 15 more levels in Rogue. Pick the Phantom subclass, use it to gain proficiency in a skill of your choice, say Arcana. With your ability score increases, take the Skilled Feat, the Magic Initiate Feat (for Guidance), the Lucky feat, and the Prodigy Feat. From those, you get four more skill proficiencies. Let's take Perception, Investigation, Survival and Animal Handling.
You now have proficiency in Stealth, Persuasion, Deception, Acrobatics, Athletics, Insight, Intimidation, Nature, Medicine, Arcana, Perception, Investigation, Survival and Animal Handling. That's 14 skills, or 7/9 of the 18 different skills in the game. But we don't stop here.
Multiclass into Bard.
You gain proficiency in a skill of your choice. We'll take Sleight of Hand. Pick a subclass. Lore Bard. Enjoy your History, Religion, and Performance proficiencies. That's four. That brings us to all 18.
You have proficiency in Stealth, Persuasion, Deception, Acrobatics, Athletics, Insight, Intimidation, Nature, Medicine, Arcana, Perception, Investigation, Survival, Animal Handling, Sleight of Hand, History, Religion, and Performance.
At Rogue levels 1 & 6, Bard level 3, and whenever you pick up the Prodigy feat, you gain Expertise in some skills. Put it in what seems most useful.
If you have an action to spare, cast Guidance on yourself, giving you +1d4 to the next skill check you make.
Have a bard in the party for Bardic Inspiration if you want, though at this point it seems a bit unnecessary.
If you roll poorly, use the Lucky feat for a chance to do better. You still can fail if you roll double natural 1's tho...
Just kidding! At level 11, Rogues gain access to Reliable Talent, turning any roll you're proficient in into a 10 if it's a 9 or lower! Your minimum roll is a 17 (10 roll + 6 proficiency bonus + minimum roll on guidance)! I don't want to fucking think about what your maximum roll is!
And there you go. Your DM hates you, your dice hate you, and I hate you!
"Tomato girl" "strawberry girl" this girl that girl. Stop trying to be an anything girl, girl. Embrace the ephemeral. Be something and don't give it a name. Secrets cannot be sold back to you.
gender to me is like a car i dont really want one and society would be much better if it was not structured around it. but i got one because it helps me get around and sometimes its fun to make it go fast
and people tell you to move to one of a handful of cities if you want to avoid having one, but when you get there the majority of people have one anyway and jobs expect you to as well
deadlydelicious asked:
HI, I WOULD BE VERY INTERESTED TO READ YOUR PAPER (when its finished i mean. hope its going well, i wish you the smooth writing flow of a wordsmith and many easily accessible relevant references)
gun-chucks answered:
so! sorry this took forever but the paper is done and has been done since may- here u go
Anonymous asked:
You are completely misrepresentating terfs that's definitely not the message. Read woman-for-women and feminist classist. If you are a woman please do keep yourself accurately and in good faith informed
marshemillow answered:
Transphobia is inherently linked to sexism. You can’t say that men have biological advantages to women without sounding like a misogynistic asshole. Terfs say that trans women can’t compete with cis women because being born with a penis just makes you better at everything. How is that not sending the message that women are inferior to men? Whatever happened to “women can do whatever they set their mind to because they’re strong and capable all on their own”??
Even if you didn’t care about trans people, you have to concede that a world where women need genital checks to make sure they’re “real women” would be worse for ALL women than a world where a person with a penis pees in a certain bathroom people might not expect.
If you don’t understand that about terfs, you’re either badly groomed and indoctrinated or a terrible person. Usually it’s both.
There is a forbidden type of magic out there. It isn’t forbidden because it’s inherently evil, or forces you to lose your humanity, or requires human sacrifices - it’s just forbidden because it’s annoying as heck to fight against.
“Ma’am, I really must insist that you pay for the room and board I’ve been giving you! It’s been a week!”
“Fine, fine,” I grumble. “I have a few options for payment: I could give you paper money, cheap gaudy jewelry, chocolate coins, spiders, some pretty seashells-”
“Spiders????” he repeats, baffled.
“Spiders it is, then,” I agree equitably, and with a wave of my hand the bed I’ve been sleeping in for the last week turns into a writhing mass of various spiders.
Worth it.
—
“Stop right there! You’re under arrest for fraud, destruction of property, and-!”
I yawn. “Didn’t ask, don’t care.” A few gestures, and the guards’ swords are all transmuted into spiders, and then they’re too busy to worry about little ol’ me.
—
“You have insulted my honor and humiliated me in front of my children! I demand satisfaction! I demand a wizard’s duel!”
Shrugging, I say, “Sure, okay, whatever. Right here and now okay?”
The pompous wizard-noble blinks. “I- you don’t want to prepare? Get your wizard’s staff or anything?”
“Nah, I’m pretty good with somatic gestures.”
“Well, if you’re sure… here and now then! Have at you!” He slams his staff down on the ground dramatically, a small shockwave of fire radiating out from the impact.
So of course, I turn his staff into spiders.
“AHHHH WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK”
“So if you’re too busy screaming to cast spells, does that mean I win?”
“AUGH ONE OF THEM BIT ME”
“I’m taking that as a yes.”
—
After that, they start coming at me in waves, with cheap wands and staves and swords and bows bought in bulk, hoping to exhaust my magical reserves so they can get close enough to put a magic inhibitor on me.
They did not expect my reserves to be as vast as they were, not did they expect me to be able to transmute the inhibitors themselves into spiders.
“Didn’t you take Magic Basics in wizard college?” I yell at the panicking mages. “Inhibitors aren’t immune to magic until the moment they activate! Serious weak point in the design, tell your magitechnicians to fix that!”
—
So of course they try assassins next.
Poison fails, because I transmute any food and drink I get into spiders and then transmute them back. Pretty easy way to get rid of poison.
So then they try knives in dark alleys. The knives bruise through my full-body spider-silk outfit, but do not penetrate, and they only get one shot before they have bigger problems.
Next is killing me in my sleep. None live to report back that the human-shaped lump under the blankets is actually a mass of highly venomous spiders.
The kingdom throws everything it has at me, and I continue to walk away, heralded by the chittering of spiders and the screams of everyone else.
—
Finally, I stand before the king himself in his overly opulent throne room, and by now he is a broken shell of a man in the face of my unorthodox tactics.
Good.
“What do you want?” he practically sobs. “You’ve singlehandedly redirected the entire crown’s budget for the next three years into replacing every weapon you’ve turned into spiders. Much more and we’ll be invaded by our neighbors! We wouldn’t be able to resist being annexed! So what can I give you to make you stop doing this?!”
I pause and pretend to consider, tapping a finger against my chin thoughtfully. “You know, you sent my brother off to war a few years back. That conflict with the Yughs up north, I believe. He didn’t want to go, so your guards forced him at spearpoint. I haven’t seen him since.”
He seizes on that, as I expected. “Yes, yes, I’ll have him returned right away! Tell me his name and I’ll honorably release him from duty and have him escorted safely home!”
“Oh?” I raise one sardonic eyebrow. “Are you able to bring back the dead now, oh wise and glorious king?”
He pales, and it’s the most satisfying thing I’ve seen in years.
“You have nothing I want,” I growl, letting the anger slip through for the first time in years. “You cannot bring him back, you cannot make up for my loss with all the riches in your kingdom. The only thing I want is to take everything from you, the way you did to me. Your kingdom will bleed out of resources, one of the neighboring countries you’ve been trying to conquer for decades now will take advantage and annex this place, and you will either be executed or forced to work for a living for the first time in your life.”
I glare at him, and he refuses to meet my eyes. “You will lose everything you ever cared about in your life. One spider at a time.”
I transmute his throne and crown into spiders (non-deadly; he doesn’t get to escape my wrath that easily), then turn and walk away, ignoring his screams and sobs.
—
And that’s why, when the Yughs finally annexed the kingdom I grew up in, they preemptively made Transarachnomancy a forbidden magical art. Not sure how they intend to enforce that, mind, but I’m not looking to challenge that. I’ve gotten what I wanted; if some other aspiring mage wants to try and follow in my footsteps, that’s not my problem.
Besides, in terms of magical skill, I’ve always been an outlier anyway. Most mages would be lucky to turn just one knife into a spider at a time; I can turn ten thousand with a few gestures. I doubt anyone will outdo my legacy.
But hey, if you want to try and surpass Georgia of the Spiders? Feel free. I’ll welcome the competition.
IM
